Read On For How To Free Yourself From Physical Pain Into A New Realm Of Intimacy
Do you experience physical pain? Is this stopping you from being intimate with your partner? Is your relationship being affected by this change in intimacy? Are you fearful or unhappy due to all of this? Are you getting frustrated by trying to maintain a healthy sex life? Many of the millions individuals who suffer with back pain will experience this.
If this is true for you or someone you know, please continue reading for my great tips ways to alleviate this pain, reconnect with your partner and bring happiness back into your life.
Firstly, I want to reassure you that you are not alone in feeling this way. Chronic pain can lead to sexual problems and when you’re in pain; the last thing you probably want to do is be intimate with your partner. However, a key component to healing this aspect of your life is to remember the importance of remaining close to your loved one. A healthy, intimate relationship can positively affect all aspects of your life. And a healthy and healed body can make a big shift in this important area of your life as an opportunity to welcome a deeper level of intimacy.
The good news is that back pain doesn’t have to mean no sex, though it may mean taking a different approach to lovemaking, which can be a good thing for your relationship. The first important step is to get a back pain diagnosis from your doctor or health care professional. Remember that sexuality is an integral part of normal, healthy relationships. So I am always happy to answer any questions about how a specific back condition might affect it and the greater impact on your life, for you to follow the advice to take forward.
And I have some great tools below that will reassure you and help you to take the next steps towards healing from your pain.
Many people living with pain often have fears about sexuality and intimacy with their partners. I have tips below for the 3 biggest fears:
Fear of rejection by a partner: It is so common for people with chronic pain to feel that their partner is no longer interested. You may wonder if a partner is less attracted to you because you are in pain.
Tip 1: Share your feelings and fears with your partner and listen to your partner’s concerns and be open to accept support. Communication is critical and will help address anything unspoken to reach a resolution. This is so important otherwise, one partner may mistakenly interpret a reluctance to engage in sexual activity as an excuse for not wanting to be close, which can lead to feelings of rejection and resentment, which can then spill into other aspects of the relationship. Be open and clear so your partner can understand what you’re experiencing.
Fear of pain associated with sex: It is natural to worry that sexual intercourse will cause you more physical pain, especially if you’re already in pain from movement.
Tip 2: You can address this concern by experimenting with different positions that are more comfortable. Depending on your specific pain, where it is and how it progresses, it’s very important to understand what position is better for you and which position could cause more harm. For example, if it is painful to bend forward, positions arching your back may be more suitable. Whereas if it is painful to bend backwards, positions lying on your back and bringing your hips towards your chest may help. The use of pillows under your head, back and stomach (if lying on your front) is also an important tool in getting comfortable. Also, remember to keep everything slow and gentle as any movements that hurt should be avoided or consider light touch to start or a shower to relax your body before.
Please consult with me if you have any questions surrounding this, as it’s vital to use these tools to aid healing, not facilitate pain. Please Note: Never “push past the pain” as this can make your pain a lot worse!
Fear of failure to perform: Pain, depression, medications and alcohol can all affect sexual performance or the ability to get aroused or have an orgasm. Sometimes, failure or difficulty to perform is caused by stress and anxiety. In addition, physical pain is a huge component of stimulating stress in your body, so it can feel like a ‘Catch 22’.
Tip 3: It’s important to reduce the tension and create an atmosphere where neither you or your partner feel rushed. In many cases, patience and understanding can help in overcoming performance problems. Stress management and learning to listen to what triggers your pain is important for healing and also finding the right comfort to break through the barriers that are causing anxiety within you. Start with a simple relaxation technique, such as to lie on your back and begin with slow deep breathing for a few minutes; this helps calm your anxiety, relax your body & mind and increase oxygen levels.
If you suspect a medication may be affecting your sexual performance consult your GP.
My last tip: Try to enjoy this new phase of exploration with your partner. Just because back pain may limit one’s physical abilities, it doesn’t have to limit sensuality. Trying new positions can be a rewarding journey of exploration that leads to a new intimacy between partners. Never underestimate the power of candlelight and soft music to create a relaxing and comfortable ambience. The negative effects that pain has been causing in a couple’s sex life can sometimes spill over into other aspects of the relationship. Therefore, being able to restore healthy sexual relations will lower stress, and lower stress often leads to less pain. The ultimate combination:
Personalised Advice + Happiness + Fulfilment = Less Stress = Less Pain.
Send me your thoughts after you read through. I would love to hear your thoughts and how this has affected your life and relationship.
I look forward to seeing you soon.
All my Best,